My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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