I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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