You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
