And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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