It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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