I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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