How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The Olympian is in my bed
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