Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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