She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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