My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
