You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize