I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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