If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
