If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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