I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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