i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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