Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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