we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
