my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
