Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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