I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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