you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
