I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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