just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
we should paint friendship bongs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
