My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
this is an emotional support booty call
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
