i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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