i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
