guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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