Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
