After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
