just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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