Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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