My room smells like vodka and shame
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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