did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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