I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
