Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
