Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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