I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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