the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
