Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
