Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
