Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
