I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
