there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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