My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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