I am in a vortex of obligation.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
