I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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