life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
