we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
