I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
