And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
