I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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