I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I deserve this hangover.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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