we're blogging at a bar
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
