I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
