I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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