You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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