My sheets look like a crime scene.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
