google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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