the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
