My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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